Oh oh oh you spent them, you have gone and dreampt them

I should stop titling my posts after song lyrics. That is so xanga. That one's from Ra Ra Riot's "Ghost Under Rocks". Found that in the recesses of my all songs considered podcasts. It's a nice little discovery. Lotsa good stuff.

I should also stop being so melodramatic on here. I was pretty upset yesterday, but it wasn't a big deal. I got cheered up and it's okay now.

FAYETTEVILLE DOMINATED ACE TODAY. Beat Lincoln and "Grahv-ay" (as one spunky local apparently corrected us) with 40 points, which means we are most likely going to be in the semi finals. Which means top 6, which is exciting. Probably better than we've ever done in the recent past. Also, we finally dressed accordingly for the event:


We love Mardi Gras. Note D.A. Young blending into the background and JWang's bling. Heh.

Denisse and I mingled with the other teams in Lincoln's couch-filled libraries, under ceilings of hanging cds memorializing soldiers (???) And D.A. Young bought us food at Acambaro just like old times. It was great.

Then we had fruit loop tea at the Tearoom, planned the most exciting sleepover in the history of sleepovers, and giggled like junior high girls. Then I ran around scholarshipping, and now I'm about to go to WOW fitness for the first time in a month. It's disgusting how inactive I am. I wonder sometimes how real people find the time to exercise. Real people as in people other than the ones I know (excluding Pete, Eddie, and Jordan, who make time all the time. Okay. And Michelle. Yeah, I guess it's just me.)

UGHGHGH FULL TUMMY. Seriously, though, go look up Dreamend's "If Only For a Day". It's so nice. And there's banjo in it!

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I feel it is necessary to update this evening. I went to kickboxing and enjoyed it a whole lot- until the end. During the cool down, my vision started doing that cloudy dark thing that happens sometimes when I stand up too quickly or the lighting suddenly adjusts. The muscles in my eyes tense up, and it's dark, and then it fades back in. It happens periodically. But tonight, it happened while I was exercising, and it didn't just fade away quickly. It lingered for at least a minute, while I heard a strident noise ("coming from the baby's room!"). And everything else sounded like it was underwater. It was WEIRD. My first thought was "Am I having a stroke?" Sounds like I've been exposed to far too many hospital dramas. I wasn't having a stroke, and I didn't faint, my secondary guess. I'm fine now, but it's still a little scary. Nothing like that has ever happened to me.

Also my mother and brother are sick. In bed, moaning, gross sick. :( At least I'm leaving for All State tomorrow. Hopefully I won't catch anything. Except exhaustion. I'm not really looking forward to tomorrow, and the days to come, because it's so tiring and I feel so behind in all my classes. But hey, it's a choir trip. It'll be enjoyable. At times.

Also, tomorrow is the first day of lent and the day we leave for All State which technically means it'll be my anniversary of going veggie. Weird. Not that I miss anything about eating meat, but it just doesn't feel like it's been that long. Time flies when you're not consuming flesh.

Tomorrow is also a month until I'm 18 years old. Which is even weirder. Very exciting, but weird. I don't feel like I'm that old. When I was little, I always thought 17 was the ideal age. When you're supposed to be pretty and perfect and happy and young but mostly grown up and everything is wonderful. Right. What a good image of adolescence. This year has been pretty fun, but definitely not my best. I'm not sure that I would change the decisions I made, but it's interesting to think about. I think I would be a different person right now; every little decision changes you. I like to imagine years as sort of a vague elliptical with January and February at the top, March where it starts to turn, and so on. Like a clock. Then there are lines, tracing my progress throughout the year. Like Vonnegut's crayon character lines on wall paper. And when I picture my year clock, it feels like last February is way way way closer than a year ago.

I don't understand time.
Probably I shouldn't imagine my life as a clock, then.

I wonder what that says about my psyche.

this town ain't big enough for the both of us

I can't keep my head on straight for more than a few hours. I always come unhinged, at the slightest things.

What a crappy day.

"Sunday, quit eating cat poop"

oh, what a day.

Actually, today was pretty mild. I mean, compared to yesterday. Compared to the rest of this week. Yesterday I was majorly stressed out. I dropped out of Poetry Out Loud and the Monticello Tournament in one fell swoop, after stressing about it all week, trying to write an oratory and practice a Duo Interp on top of applying for the Robert Byrd scholarship and applying to Warren Wilson. The thought of driving all the way to Monticello and missing even more school, on top of the two day week I have coming up due to ACE and All-State, was really getting me down. As in, I burst into tears when my mom picked me up for my doctor's appointment yesterday afternoon.

But all is well once more. I feel really good about my applications, Monticello has been postponed because of the blizzard brewing below us, Poetry Out Loud happened smoothly without me once again. I kind of wish I had gotten my act together so that I could have competed at least once during high school, but oh well. Doesn't matter any more.

Lots of exciting news in the world of music and film.
I made 33rd chair at All State. One better than last year. Haha. I'm happy, though I do wish I could have been in the mixed choir and able to sing the Eric Whitacre piece. SPEAKING OF COOL CHOIR SONGS HOLY CRAP WE'RE DOING GLEE FOR TCTTW. I began watching Glee during the collective 10 hours on the bus to All State auditions. I had no idea how racy and sassy it was. It impressed me, honestly. Also I can't believe how great the cast is. I had no idea Jane Lynch was in it. She's a goddess.

SO ANYWAY Encore is singing "Somebody to Love" (Fincher announced it "by Queen" and a bunch of people said "Wait, what? You mean like Glee, right?") And we're doing the guy/girl mash ups. I'm so excited. But auditions for solo acts are in a month. A month! I don't even know where this year has gone. I remember scrambling to get an act together last year with Kelly like it was two months ago. Seriously. Agghhg. I'll be out of here before I know it.

BEST NEWS. Banah, Michelle, and I are going to open for Big Bad Gina at Scarpino's in March probably! We don't even have a band, really. I can't even explain how stoked I am. It's so strange and awesome. I hope we don't blow it by procrastinating or something. Also, one of Mr. Buehling's other students wants to start getting all of his students together to jam every once in a while. Also, Will Sharp wants me to revive my Mae Peterson voice for a short film about eating hearts.

Should be an exciting next few weeks.

This is shaping up to be the best Valentine's day ever. Collective card making, gluten-free cupcakes, Valentine's Day banjo lesson, movie date with Pete, lunch with Karina, who asked me to be her Valentine today, and I don't have to go to Monticello. That's the best part. Also there's a seed swap, and OMNI video underground, and International Dance, and Colors Day! Because I'm really really excited about that one.

I very happy right now. I hope it lingers.

Now I'm off to finish some essays and deface my Hannah Montana Walmart Valentines. Heh heh. Comes with a free poster!

green day

clickity click
That's how I spent the last four minutes of my existence. I suggest you do the same.

Buggy was overheating last week, and I've been too scared to drive him until we can get him looked at. So my mom's been taking me to school. Scott has stayed home from school the past two days, which has worked nicely for me, but I'm worried about his grades. Anyway, it's been very enjoyable riding with Mom. She's the best driver I know. She always get's me there on time, and it's really fun adventuring down the shortcut side roads she finds. And we get to talk. We don't usually make time for that on a daily basis.

Waiting for her is a completely different affair. I get very impatient, being at school when it's basically empty, doing nothing. It sends me back to elementary days, the forgotten at soccer practice feeling. She was late today, and it just put me in a rotten mood. But then, as we were driving home, there were several cars at the thrift store on Huntsville Road, the one with stuff on display out front. So I told Mom to slow down, to see if there was anything good. I commented, "Wow" about a pink Mickey Mouse sweatshirt, and she said "What?!" and immediately pulled over. It was awesome.

So that's how I spent an hour of my late afternoon. Sifting through treasures with my mother. Few other things in the world make me feel more at peace than digging through racks of 90's Gap-wear and synthetic fabric. Seriously. This particular store is a little too overpriced, but they were having an EVERYTHING 50% OFF sale. It's such a fun place, because there's a walkway big enough for literally a single person throughout the whole two rooms. The rest is covered with racks and piles of stuff, tables of lamps and toys and cassette tapes and candles, with pairs of shoes stuck everywhere. It should make most people feel claustrophobic but it makes me so happy. I could easily see myself becoming just like the woman who owns that store. Except I would probably run it out of my house. It would be my house. Complete with a cat clock and a corner for any kind of Razorback accessory you could possibly imagine.

I found a really nice pair of tan leather boot clog things, but they were a 9 1/2. They fit, but only barely, and would hurt after a while. I was so close! So close. Not meant to be, I guess. Neither was that sweatshirt we stopped for in the first place. However, I did buy a very nice green purse, brand new, for $2.50. It was an absolutely splendid trip.

I'm leaving tomorrow for Jonesboro. Please pray for serenity on that bus trip and strength for my audition on Friday.

Hooray for green tea.

I should really get over myself

This stressing thing? It happens to everyone. Even within my own realm of existence, stressing out is nothing to write home about. I thrive on over-packing my schedule.

Except right now I really hate everything. I want to finish my poems and drawing so I can get them into litmag before the deadline but I'm feeling so uninspired. I spent THREE stinkin' hours working on chemistry homework tonight. Literally. Not like "work some facebook eat something music fun" homework. I sat at my kitchen table from 6 until 8:39. Being productive, but also getting bogged down, turned around, bassackwards, even with the help of someone much better at chemistry than I am. And I'm still not done. And it's due tomorrow, for a grade. And I have a 70 in there right now.

This on top of the free response part of the Eliminator (a test with a name? Especially a name like that? Yeah. Yikes.) I actually got an A on the multiple choice part, which is definitely a first for me in that class. Still, I'm nervous. Also, ALL STATE AUDITIONS. I thought we were leaving after school on Thursday, when, in reality, we are leaving at 10AM. Meaning I'll miss the ACE game we're hosting, and that I have a two-day week. Surprisingly, I really don't want to miss any more school right now. At all. AND IT'S ALL STATE AUDITIONS AND I HAVEN'T REALLY PRACTICED MUCH AT ALL AND I THOUGHT I DIDN'T REALLY CARE BUT SINCE I'M GOING ALL THE 5 HOURS AWAY TO JONESBORO I'M KIND OF STARTING TO FREAK OUT ABOUT MY LACK OF PREPARATION.

heh. I'm glad the only people who see this love me in spite of my occasional affinity for caps lock and tendency to complain excessively.

I should stop moping.

I'm in the top 15 for Colors Day Court! A dance I have never been to and would be unable to attend even if I won. Haha. It's still fun.

I checked three and 1/2 things off my to-do list today. Drank three cups of tea. Had three free class periods. I get to spend two periods at the One-Acts tomorrow. I ran up five flights of stairs in Old Main and probably looked and sounded like a crazy when I spoke to the secretary at the Honors College office, room 517. Which was the entirely wrong building, anyway.

Maybe I'm in such a foul mood because I bailed on my banjo lesson tonight. I gave Mr. Buehling plenty of notice, but still. Those 40 minutes are always the sunshine of my week. I really didn't have any time this evening, or any other day, and I hadn't really practiced, but I wish I had. I wish I could put more effort into that instrument. I love it so much.

Mom and Scott and I have all been bickering pretty badly for the past two days, but I think we've worked through it. We've all sort of talked, and we're to the joking stage now. I got pretty crazy yesterday. It was the Lewis & Clark deadline. I've been working on my responses all weekend. And yet, on the deadline, I still was not finished. Mom insists on editing anything I write for colleges, understandably, but relying on her and working with her to get finished is very stressful. And, surprise surprise, I did not handle that stress well.

That's all I really want to say about that.

My back and arms are achy and sore. I don't know what I've been doing in my sleep, but it's turning me into a creaky old woman.

I began ND: The Phantom of Venice last night. VERY STRANGE. I'll devote a whole post to it later.

You know, when I have spare time.