the wedding bells will never ring for me

http://www.thesixtyone.com/s/45YueXoszFX/

http://www.thesixtyone.com/s/vySzrhovWsJ/

joy and happiness in musical form.

I'm feeling very musically inspired lately. writing songs, which hasn't happened in months upon months. I guess I'm feeding off of all the creative energy everyone around me seems to be radiating (Brothers, Younger and Older).And anticipating Catamaran's premiere show, of course. But I'm understanding the banjo a lot more, after a period of real apathy and not much practicing. I had my very last high school choir concert last weekend, and it was awesome. The best I've ever had. It was so much fun, and everyone there was really wonderful, too. I'm going to miss group singing every day, you know? Most people don't spend an hour of their day making music with fifty other people. Weird to think about.

Connotations volume 27 has arrived! Signing party was tonight. I ate too many petit fores and John got dressed up like a bro. Yep. Also I was was formally introduced to Mrs. Brothers, who aggressively requested/demanded I attend the reading of the creative writing anthology, since I got the Nathan Altman scholarship, and their publication proceeds go toward that award. She at first assured me I didn't have to read, but then she asked me to. So I did. But it gave me a chance to show of the magazine. And the whole thing was a lot of fun. Saba did a wonderful job. While she was reading her piece about licking rocks, Joe Bell turns to me and goes, "She is so universally weird, in every setting. It's really impressive". That's wonderfully accurate.

Two AP exams down, three to go, including a hellish day of Economics. Micro in the mornin', macro afternoon. On our last day of high school, and Jake's 18th birthday, and Catamaran. I can't believe that. I really can't believe I graduate two weeks from today, exactly.

In other news, Pete and I have officially begun planning our escape to the Grand Canyon. I'm so excited. Tourist traps and couch surfing and Sedona and brady bunch clothes. JUST TWO WEEKS AND TWO DAYS.

Also, Reptile Museum was conquered yesterday. As in, the guy was actually there, and I held an alligator, two constrictors, and a tarantula. It was less exciting than I had hoped, but the Jesus paraphernalia and piranha and all the other creatures were definitely worth it. The gators name is Captain Hook. He is two years old, less than two feet long, and made feral cat noises. But he's quite sweet once you pick him up. I want to paint reptiles. The intricacies of their skin and scales are dizzyingly cool. Yep. That's a phrase.

I feel rosy.

Dilluted intensity

That's how this day has been and that's how I feel all the time. I'm constantly busy, happily so, but in the moment most the time I really just want to lay around.

Today, in choir, Mrs. Fincher turned off all the lights and made us close our eyes and hold hands while we sang O Magnum Mysterium. It sounded incredible. And it felt as though it lasted for ten minutes or something. When she turned on the lights she was crying. And then she said, "It just breaks my heart that some of you will never sing again." And then the seniors gave her a big group hug... and then we started thinking about leaving... and it was so weird and unexpected. That kind of reality check, without warning. Actually, a few minutes before she said that, I was looking around, thinking about next year, how all these faces around me won't be there. It's strange to think I'm a second-semester senior right now. It sure doesn't feel like I expected it would. It just feels like normal except I have to pretend like I'm going to college next year. Which I am. Which I'm completely excited about. But it still doesn't feel real.

So the rest of the day after choir has been rather foggy. I've felt emotionally drained. Exhausted. Spent.

This past weekend was really nice because:
1. We found half of a bison sticking out of a wall.
2. The Reader's Theatre that Michelle & I spent many hours writing won first place at Southside. Which means we're finally qualified for State, after competing three other times.
3. I won first place in storytelling with Saba's favorite childhood story about kidnapped children and pretending to cut off your feet.
4. I got my first real college acceptance letter- to Warren Wilson! I won't know about financial aid until I fill out another form, but, still! They want me! I have no idea if I'll actually go there, but it's a such a nice feeling.
5. A Midsummer Night's Dream was thoroughly enjoyable and entertaining. It was so nice to be in the audience! I loved it, start to finish.

Yesterday was Casmir Pulaski Day. And not just because it was March 1st, like the Sufjan song says, but because it was the first Monday in March. Also, March means my birthday. Means I'm going to be 18 years old. Means I can buy a shotgun and go to bars. The high life.

Also yesterday I wore Karina's gray cable knit sweater, cool wrappy apple skirt, and her spaceman coat. Today I wore a green waffle shirt and a shortish skirt and purple tights and gray boots and I felt like Becky Cox.

I'm very excited about the musical ventures that I'm involved in right now. They are definitely coming along. But I don't want to say too much, because one is secret and one is easily jinxed, I think.

"Sunday, quit eating cat poop"

oh, what a day.

Actually, today was pretty mild. I mean, compared to yesterday. Compared to the rest of this week. Yesterday I was majorly stressed out. I dropped out of Poetry Out Loud and the Monticello Tournament in one fell swoop, after stressing about it all week, trying to write an oratory and practice a Duo Interp on top of applying for the Robert Byrd scholarship and applying to Warren Wilson. The thought of driving all the way to Monticello and missing even more school, on top of the two day week I have coming up due to ACE and All-State, was really getting me down. As in, I burst into tears when my mom picked me up for my doctor's appointment yesterday afternoon.

But all is well once more. I feel really good about my applications, Monticello has been postponed because of the blizzard brewing below us, Poetry Out Loud happened smoothly without me once again. I kind of wish I had gotten my act together so that I could have competed at least once during high school, but oh well. Doesn't matter any more.

Lots of exciting news in the world of music and film.
I made 33rd chair at All State. One better than last year. Haha. I'm happy, though I do wish I could have been in the mixed choir and able to sing the Eric Whitacre piece. SPEAKING OF COOL CHOIR SONGS HOLY CRAP WE'RE DOING GLEE FOR TCTTW. I began watching Glee during the collective 10 hours on the bus to All State auditions. I had no idea how racy and sassy it was. It impressed me, honestly. Also I can't believe how great the cast is. I had no idea Jane Lynch was in it. She's a goddess.

SO ANYWAY Encore is singing "Somebody to Love" (Fincher announced it "by Queen" and a bunch of people said "Wait, what? You mean like Glee, right?") And we're doing the guy/girl mash ups. I'm so excited. But auditions for solo acts are in a month. A month! I don't even know where this year has gone. I remember scrambling to get an act together last year with Kelly like it was two months ago. Seriously. Agghhg. I'll be out of here before I know it.

BEST NEWS. Banah, Michelle, and I are going to open for Big Bad Gina at Scarpino's in March probably! We don't even have a band, really. I can't even explain how stoked I am. It's so strange and awesome. I hope we don't blow it by procrastinating or something. Also, one of Mr. Buehling's other students wants to start getting all of his students together to jam every once in a while. Also, Will Sharp wants me to revive my Mae Peterson voice for a short film about eating hearts.

Should be an exciting next few weeks.

This is shaping up to be the best Valentine's day ever. Collective card making, gluten-free cupcakes, Valentine's Day banjo lesson, movie date with Pete, lunch with Karina, who asked me to be her Valentine today, and I don't have to go to Monticello. That's the best part. Also there's a seed swap, and OMNI video underground, and International Dance, and Colors Day! Because I'm really really excited about that one.

I very happy right now. I hope it lingers.

Now I'm off to finish some essays and deface my Hannah Montana Walmart Valentines. Heh heh. Comes with a free poster!