holding, holding, holding on

I feel so behind.

Which is kind of terrible. I mean, this feeling isn’t entirely based on the internet, but lots of my feelings of being neglectful and overwhelmed stem from the mass of unread emails and facebook notifications and blog updates. Which is pretty sad.

It’s also pretty sad how madly I want to reply to emails from my bio lab teacher and confess my love. All the time. [If you could see the smileys on my quizzes, you’d understand.]

But I am pretty behind. I went to DC this weekend! And it was awesome! I mean, we actually didn’t see a whole lot of the rally. Because, if you couldn’t tell, there were a lot of people there. Like, a LOT. But they were all really nice people. Seriously, the most polite crowd I’ve ever been apart of. I still can’t get over how kind and welcoming everyone was. The mood and the signs and the feeling of, well, physically being a part of a rally made it so much fun. I am a sucker for things that make me feel like something bigger than myself. Rallies are definitely one of those things. I hadn’t been to one since November 1st, 2008., almost exactly two years earlier. That one is still my favorite. I can’t describe how that made me feel.

I’m feeling not welcome here, lately. Here, as in the U of A, pomfret, even my room sometimes. Holly is talking on the phone right now, but earlier she was trying to sleep. And I had things to do. I feel bad that I keep her up, but I also feel bad stressing myself out over that, because I have just as much right to be here as she does. That reasoning usually doesn’t make me feel better. But she’s out of the room right now, so I’m fine.

Tonight, we had our public meeting for the Walker Park Community Garden, and it was a great success! We had about fifteen or so new attendants, of different ages and backgrounds, and they all had a lot to contribute. The energy in the room was contagious. Props to Serena for making everyone comforatable right off the bat. It went very well. I’m pretty sure everyone there is going to be involved, and that makes me so happy. I have a really good feeling about the success of this project. Also, the food was absolutely delicious, so more sparkles to Serena.

With the help of some sweet antibiotics, I’m slowly getting over this nasty cold that’s been nipping at me for two weeks. Probably not the best condition to be in when spending 44 hours in a car, but hey. I didn’t die. And my cough is getting better already.

I’ve been spending a lot of time at home lately, and reflecting on that fact a lot too. I feel like I should feel bad about it, but I don’t. I honestly enjoy being around my family, and being somewhere where I don’t have to wear shoes to use the bathroom or wear pants to do anything. That voice in the back of my mind keeps saying I should be having the college experience or whatever. But that’s stupid. What is that, anyway? Something that’s been constructed by countless movie and TV images trying to dictate a certain type of whatever? I hate when I get caught in that mess of pop culture product-ness that makes me disappointed for not living up to a fake standard subconsciously constructed by things I hate.

That’s to say, I love my family and my dogs and my cats and I like not wearing pants.

Lately, I’ve been mourning the fact that I wasn’t born a musical genius. I would so love to just rely on banjo and singing for everything. Which I probably couldn’t let myself do even if I were a musical genius. But I do wish I had more of a drive to develop musically. I just always push it by the wayside in lieu of lots of things I hate, mostly school. Which I only hate half the time, but still. I wish I could just not do bullshit assignments and practice banjo instead. Which I could do. But won’t.

I don’t want to talk about the election, except to say I’m heartbroken that Tim Griffin actually beat Joyce Elliott, because Joyce Elliott is the one politician I can say I believe whole-heartedly. She is the most genuine candidate I’ve ever spoken and listend to. I have the uptmost respect for her and her positions. I wish I could have voted for her. I wish she had beaten Tim Griffin. I wish people weren’t so goddamn stupid sometimes.

I should be studying so much right now! I’ve spent far too long not studying lately.

Despite Republicans and sinus infections and paper cuts, I’m still pleased with the world right now. Not sure why. But that's the best kind of happy.

Touring a shithole

Literally!

My Environmental Science class toured one of the two waste water treatment facilities in Fayetteville.

We saw the entire process, start to finish.

Never have I been so surrounded.
By poop.
Churning, rushing, gushing poop.

That was my day.

OH. WAIT. ONE MORE THING.




BANJOBANJOBANJOOOoooooo

It's a restored Lady Stewart, which means it was created by the great S.S. Stewart (maker, composer & publisher extraordinare) somewhere around the 1890s. Mr. Buehling bought it, shined it up real nice, tied a pink ribbon around the head and finally presented it to me tonight. It took a few months of anxious anticipation and lots of work on Mr. Buehling's side, but it's the best dang graduation gift ever ever ever. Ever.

And it sounds so nice! The nylon strings are so much better than the steel ones on my kay. I mean, it's world's apart from my kay, quality-wise. Kays were designed to be affordable from their inception. Stewarts, on the other hand, are genuine class. Cherry neck, goat skin head, adorable pearl inlay pieces e'erywhere, beautiful ivory pegs, and the original SSS bracket tightener.

This doesn't mean anything to anyone reading this. But it is a Really Big Deal, I assure you.

I'm in twangalang heaven.

the wedding bells will never ring for me

http://www.thesixtyone.com/s/45YueXoszFX/

http://www.thesixtyone.com/s/vySzrhovWsJ/

joy and happiness in musical form.

I'm feeling very musically inspired lately. writing songs, which hasn't happened in months upon months. I guess I'm feeding off of all the creative energy everyone around me seems to be radiating (Brothers, Younger and Older).And anticipating Catamaran's premiere show, of course. But I'm understanding the banjo a lot more, after a period of real apathy and not much practicing. I had my very last high school choir concert last weekend, and it was awesome. The best I've ever had. It was so much fun, and everyone there was really wonderful, too. I'm going to miss group singing every day, you know? Most people don't spend an hour of their day making music with fifty other people. Weird to think about.

Connotations volume 27 has arrived! Signing party was tonight. I ate too many petit fores and John got dressed up like a bro. Yep. Also I was was formally introduced to Mrs. Brothers, who aggressively requested/demanded I attend the reading of the creative writing anthology, since I got the Nathan Altman scholarship, and their publication proceeds go toward that award. She at first assured me I didn't have to read, but then she asked me to. So I did. But it gave me a chance to show of the magazine. And the whole thing was a lot of fun. Saba did a wonderful job. While she was reading her piece about licking rocks, Joe Bell turns to me and goes, "She is so universally weird, in every setting. It's really impressive". That's wonderfully accurate.

Two AP exams down, three to go, including a hellish day of Economics. Micro in the mornin', macro afternoon. On our last day of high school, and Jake's 18th birthday, and Catamaran. I can't believe that. I really can't believe I graduate two weeks from today, exactly.

In other news, Pete and I have officially begun planning our escape to the Grand Canyon. I'm so excited. Tourist traps and couch surfing and Sedona and brady bunch clothes. JUST TWO WEEKS AND TWO DAYS.

Also, Reptile Museum was conquered yesterday. As in, the guy was actually there, and I held an alligator, two constrictors, and a tarantula. It was less exciting than I had hoped, but the Jesus paraphernalia and piranha and all the other creatures were definitely worth it. The gators name is Captain Hook. He is two years old, less than two feet long, and made feral cat noises. But he's quite sweet once you pick him up. I want to paint reptiles. The intricacies of their skin and scales are dizzyingly cool. Yep. That's a phrase.

I feel rosy.

quickie

A review of good things from the past few days:

-duckies, Penelope & Franklin
-http://www.shop.sheandhim.com/
-OFFICIAL INVITE TO A LUNCHEON WITH SAPPHIRE
-first banjo lesson in over three weeks, tales of Warren Wilson, and a free copy of Clarke Buehling - Out of his Gourd: Early American Gourd Banjo Instrumentals and Songs (FOUR STARS)
-I won a prom ticket and shirt and only spent $1
-Saba and I are both going to prom with Tyler Ss.
-after being crushed for five minutes upon news of my dream dress being sold THAT SAME DAY from cheap thrills, I found a beigey-peach lacy thing that I tried on. And it fit. Perfectly. And it was half the price of the other one. And the there's pale pink ribbon on the bottom which means I CAN WEAR MY JACKIE KENNEDY HAT TO PROM.
-I received the Alpha Phi Alpha scholarship. Which is a black fraternity.


Polly wolly doodle.