holding, holding, holding on

I feel so behind.

Which is kind of terrible. I mean, this feeling isn’t entirely based on the internet, but lots of my feelings of being neglectful and overwhelmed stem from the mass of unread emails and facebook notifications and blog updates. Which is pretty sad.

It’s also pretty sad how madly I want to reply to emails from my bio lab teacher and confess my love. All the time. [If you could see the smileys on my quizzes, you’d understand.]

But I am pretty behind. I went to DC this weekend! And it was awesome! I mean, we actually didn’t see a whole lot of the rally. Because, if you couldn’t tell, there were a lot of people there. Like, a LOT. But they were all really nice people. Seriously, the most polite crowd I’ve ever been apart of. I still can’t get over how kind and welcoming everyone was. The mood and the signs and the feeling of, well, physically being a part of a rally made it so much fun. I am a sucker for things that make me feel like something bigger than myself. Rallies are definitely one of those things. I hadn’t been to one since November 1st, 2008., almost exactly two years earlier. That one is still my favorite. I can’t describe how that made me feel.

I’m feeling not welcome here, lately. Here, as in the U of A, pomfret, even my room sometimes. Holly is talking on the phone right now, but earlier she was trying to sleep. And I had things to do. I feel bad that I keep her up, but I also feel bad stressing myself out over that, because I have just as much right to be here as she does. That reasoning usually doesn’t make me feel better. But she’s out of the room right now, so I’m fine.

Tonight, we had our public meeting for the Walker Park Community Garden, and it was a great success! We had about fifteen or so new attendants, of different ages and backgrounds, and they all had a lot to contribute. The energy in the room was contagious. Props to Serena for making everyone comforatable right off the bat. It went very well. I’m pretty sure everyone there is going to be involved, and that makes me so happy. I have a really good feeling about the success of this project. Also, the food was absolutely delicious, so more sparkles to Serena.

With the help of some sweet antibiotics, I’m slowly getting over this nasty cold that’s been nipping at me for two weeks. Probably not the best condition to be in when spending 44 hours in a car, but hey. I didn’t die. And my cough is getting better already.

I’ve been spending a lot of time at home lately, and reflecting on that fact a lot too. I feel like I should feel bad about it, but I don’t. I honestly enjoy being around my family, and being somewhere where I don’t have to wear shoes to use the bathroom or wear pants to do anything. That voice in the back of my mind keeps saying I should be having the college experience or whatever. But that’s stupid. What is that, anyway? Something that’s been constructed by countless movie and TV images trying to dictate a certain type of whatever? I hate when I get caught in that mess of pop culture product-ness that makes me disappointed for not living up to a fake standard subconsciously constructed by things I hate.

That’s to say, I love my family and my dogs and my cats and I like not wearing pants.

Lately, I’ve been mourning the fact that I wasn’t born a musical genius. I would so love to just rely on banjo and singing for everything. Which I probably couldn’t let myself do even if I were a musical genius. But I do wish I had more of a drive to develop musically. I just always push it by the wayside in lieu of lots of things I hate, mostly school. Which I only hate half the time, but still. I wish I could just not do bullshit assignments and practice banjo instead. Which I could do. But won’t.

I don’t want to talk about the election, except to say I’m heartbroken that Tim Griffin actually beat Joyce Elliott, because Joyce Elliott is the one politician I can say I believe whole-heartedly. She is the most genuine candidate I’ve ever spoken and listend to. I have the uptmost respect for her and her positions. I wish I could have voted for her. I wish she had beaten Tim Griffin. I wish people weren’t so goddamn stupid sometimes.

I should be studying so much right now! I’ve spent far too long not studying lately.

Despite Republicans and sinus infections and paper cuts, I’m still pleased with the world right now. Not sure why. But that's the best kind of happy.